Marco Rubio’s Public Statement on Suspending His Presidential Campaign

By Carson Starkey, Chief Speechwriter for Senator Marco Rubio Good evening, I am here tonight to announce that I am suspending my presidential campaign effective immediately. Pause for widespread, slowly cascading applause. After many hours of consultation with Chamber of Commerce lobbyists, American Enterprise Institute board members, Heritage Foundation scholars, Fox News producers, The Honorable…

Episode 24: Super Tuesday Results and Overreactions

On this week’s special 1 1/2 hour episode of Agreeing Loudly Coast to Coast, regular hosts Pat and Jered are joined by special co-host and friend of the show Maria Camargo to get to the bottom of Super Tuesday’s results. Also, all of the Agreeing Loudly contributors are on hand as regional correspondents to give…

The Case for Winning in 2016 #NeverTrump

by Troy M. Olson Because I’m a big believer in the fairness doctrine (R.I.P.), because the remaining viable Republican candidates are this guy, this guy, and apparently, this guy thinks he still is. And most of all, because I believe in competing in every election, every time, in every district  — here is the case for…

Reckless Courage: The “Respectable” Conservative Plot to Cheat Aggressively

by Carson Starkey Sweet White English-Speaking NASCAR-Lovin’ Baby Jesus, what are conservative big whigs thinking when they openly brag about stopping Trump? Let’s proceed under the notion that you’re not fully aware of the Republican leadership’s plan to deny Donald Trump their party’s presidential nomination as outlined in the NYT article “Inside the Republican Party’s…

Live Tweets from Carson Starkey #TrumpIsTheNominee Edition

Unapologetically, by Carson Starkey  Watching a Republican debate is more depressing at Midway Airport. Brief summary…all of the candidates proudly support the 19th century. Angry Dr. Huxtable, why are you on this stage, and can you locate Canada on a map? ‪#‎DrCarsonLooksConfused‬ Mr. Trump, how do you respond to the charge that you’re the least…

Damien’s Dinner Time

“Macho Man” Randy Savage gets bit by Damien Donald Trump won the South Carolina primary today, and Jeb Bush gave up the ghost and suspended his campaign. Few people, including those of us at Agreeing Loudly, thought Trump would be able to defeat Cruz’s organized ground-game. I also thought Bush remain in the race in…

Iowa Results: What They Do Not Mean

by Troy M. Olson Disclaimer! The following will have some harsh truths for U.S. millennials. Earlier in the week I talked about what the Iowa results mean, and previewed what they don’t mean. I do not take pride in the following observations, but must go forward anyway. I hope I’m wrong, but here it goes….

Iowa Results: What They Mean

by Troy M. Olson (Part One of Two) 2016 Iowa caucus results:  Hillary Clinton won by a coin toss (figuratively speaking, but potentially literally depending on who you ask) last night, Bernie Sanders outperformed his poll numbers to gain a delegate and statistical tie, Ted Cruz becomes the evangelical candidate of this cycle, and Marco…

Hillary Clinton and the Perils of Reconstruction History

I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t watched a Democratic debate/town hall/forum in several months because 1) no one can bury a primary campaign in plain sight better than Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, 2) life, 3) my heart belongs to Bernie Sanders, and 4) they’re boring. Who knows . . . maybe after Sanders wins…

Sarah Palin, PTSD, and the Survivor-As-Hero Myth

This past Tuesday, half-term governor Sarah Palin endorsed fellow reality TV star and demagogue Donald Trump for president of the United States of America. That same day, her son Track, an Iraq war veteran, was arrested for drunkenly assaulting his girlfriend with an AR-15 and attempting to prevent her from reporting it to the police….

Conversations with the Ghost of America’s Future Past

by Carson Starkey and Troy M. Olson The following takes place during the hottest summer on record in the year 2028, breaking the previous record set all the way back in 2027. On a lonely park bench, somewhere in between Main Street and Evergreen Terrace…. Carson I suspect that President Rubio’s third round of tax…

The Grift Machine: Episode I – Publicly Funded Sports Stadiums

by Troy M. Olson The Rams franchise is heading back to their original city of Los Angeles, leaving the city of St. Louis behind and loyal fans crushed. All of this after the city of St. Louis promised to fund $150 million with more public funding to come from the state of Missouri. It was a competitive offer…

Live Tweets from Carson Starkey (#GOPDebate edition)

The following Live Tweets are written by Carson Starkey (Combat Veteran and J.D. Candidate, 2016). The italicized intro to the real (future) Dr. Carson has been the pleasure of Troy M. Olson (Army Veteran and J.D., 2014). Out of respect for those who love freedom and Bruce Springsteen, the tweets appear exactly as they were written. “Black women…

Safe for Work Ways to Kill Time at Work.

by PK Meacham In case you were wondering Winter is Coming and so is (hopefully) GRR Martin’s 6th installment of a Song of Ice and Fire The Winds of Winter. To hold you over till the announcement of the release date here is another Game of Thrones theory to think about. Ross was the worst…