Stab, Taser, Redline, Tweet

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Dinner with Zuck and @Jack must be weird. My family has been slaughtering and butchering deer and hogs in our backyards for generations, but the image of Zuck tasering and stabbing a goat behind his mansion is a trip. Here’s genocide adventure vacationer Jack Dorsey spilling the beans:

What was your most memorable encounter with Zuckerberg?

Well, there was a year when he was only eating what he was killing. He made goat for me for dinner. He killed the goat.

In front of you?

No. He killed it before. I guess he kills it. He kills it with a laser gun and then the knife. Then they send it to the butcher.

A . . . laser gun?

I don’t know. A stun gun. They stun it, and then he knifed it. Then they send it to a butcher. Evidently in Palo Alto there’s a rule or regulation that you can have six livestock on any lot of land, so he had six goats at the time. I go, “We’re eating the goat you killed?” He said, “Yeah.” I said, “Have you eaten goat before?” He’s like, “Yeah, I love it.” I’m like, “What else are we having?” “Salad.” I said, “Where is the goat?” “It’s in the oven.” Then we waited for about 30 minutes. He’s like, “I think it’s done now.” We go in the dining room. He puts the goat down. It was cold. That was memorable. I don’t know if it went back in the oven. I just ate my salad.

So, why did Zuck slaughter a goat in his back yard?

Every year, Zuckerberg publicly sets a personal goal. In 2011, it was only to eat animals that he had killed himself. He reportedly got the idea from renowned Silicon Valley chef Jesse Cool, who is known for founding the restaurant Flea St. Café. Cool says she advised Zuckerberg when he killed his first goat, chicken, and pig. “He cut the throat of the goat with a knife, which is the most kind way to do it,” Cool told Fortune at the time.

Zuckerberg had portrayed his goal as a way to better understand where his food comes from and the cost of eating meat. “I think many people forget that a living being has to die for you to eat meat, so my goal revolves around not letting myself forget that and being thankful for what I have,” he told Fortune in a 2011 email. “This year I’ve basically become a vegetarian since the only meat I’m eating is from animals I’ve killed myself.”

That’s a noble cause, I guess. Americans have become totally alienated from their food sources to the point that many people have trouble eating food that resembles the animal we’re eating. So, I get where he was coming from and the point he was trying to make.

Whether or not Zuck butchered a goat in his backyard isn’t that important to me. I think more people should try it and urban farming should be less stigmatized (although he wasn’t actually engaging in agriculture). As someone who lives near Zuckerberg, my takeaway relates more to what this story tells us about the Bay Area housing crisis.

In 2011, Zuckerberg lived in Palo Alto and now he lives in nearby Los Altos. Both of these cities have ordinances allowing people to keep a certain number of chickens and livestock on their property, and they often like to described themselves as “urban-rural” communities. Sounds great, right? Not so fast . . .

One reason towns like Palo Alto and Los Altos like to maintain their “urban-rural” designation is because they’re inhabited by (1) multimillionaires who want to live on private acreage within city limits, and (2) aging white folks who want to protect their neighborhood’s “character” and “small town charm”. Both of these groups strongly oppose any measures to build more parking, sidewalks, and multi-family housing units. The Bay Area is a tremendously diverse place, but you’d never know it if you took a walk Zuck’s neighborhood. Class and racial segregation is alive and well here. Refusing to build infrastructure, protecting the last remaining fruit orchards, electing local leaders obsessed with town “character,” allow people to keep horses, chickens, and goats–all of these policies are in place to keep places where millionaires and Boomers live from become more accessible to the black, browns, and poors.

Consider the towns that oppose the CASA movement. Affordable housing advocates believe it’s ridiculous that localities get to make their own zoning and housing laws. Afterall, the Bay Area has become a de facto unified metro area, and most people can’t tell you when they’ve crossed from San Jose to Cupertino. City and town jurisdictions have become little more than arbitrary geographic markers that serve only to reinforce class and race privilege in a diversifying region. Don’t like living with South Asians in Mountain View? Move to Los Altos if you’ve got the cash. Don’t like the fact that Los Altos has built more town homes and sidewalks? Move to Los Altos Hills, where the super rich live amongst the mountain lions!

CASA seeks to establish a unified housing policy for the Bay Area. Their goal is to create ways for cities and towns to coordinate their zoning policies in a way that increases housing production, capitalizes on mass transit, protects existing affordable housing, and protects vulnerable populations from displacement. Who opposes this plan? Small affluent “towns” like Cupertino, Palo Alto, Los Altos, Los Altos Hills. Why? The ol’ neo-Confederate obsession with local control:

“That the CASA committee could come up with a product that 97 percent of Bay Area cities think is a terrible idea proves that a public agency is capable of building consensus,” said Cupertino Mayor Steven Scharf, who opposes the plan. “Unfortunately it’s not the kind of consensus we really want.”

When Scharf says “97 percent of the Bay Area,” he doesn’t mean 97 percent of the population. He means 97 percent of the tiny mostly affluent suburbs who happen to maintain town and city charters for some reason. And when I say “for some reason,” I mean racism, elitism, and NIMBYism. And who do they blame for the housing crisis? Companies who create too many jobs. Sigh . . .

Say the Bay Area adopts the CASA Compact, the 15-year policy package to combat the region’s housing crisis. What hellscape would Scharf and his ilk face? A peek at the compact’s ten element offers us a glimpse of the ensuing Kenyan-Obama Communist future that awaits us:

  1. Just Cause Eviction Policy
  2. Rent Cap
  3. Rent Assistance and Access to Legal Counsel
  4. Remove Regulatory Barriers to Accessory Dwelling Units
  5. Minimum Zoning near Transit
  6. Good Government Reforms to Housing Approval Process
  7. Expedited Approvals and Financial Incentives for Select Housing
  8. Unlock Public Land for Affordable Housing
  9. Funding and Financing the CASA Compact
  10. Regional Housing Enterprise

The horror . . . THE HORROR . . .

Anyways, Mark Zuckerberg slaughtering goats in his yard for Jack Dorsey isn’t just about tech bros being weird. It’s about shitty housing policies designed by shitty elites to protect their bastions of privilege. Democrats should go whole hog (no pun intended) on supporting CASA and zoning reform.

 

 

 

Agreeing Loudly is proud to help its contributors gain compensation for their labor. Please consider helping kuyaalb by supporting his Patreon campaign. You can also follow him on Twitter @kuyaalb.

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