by Carson Starkey
Sweet White English-Speaking NASCAR-Lovin’ Baby Jesus, what are conservative big whigs thinking when they openly brag about stopping Trump? Let’s proceed under the notion that you’re not fully aware of the Republican leadership’s plan to deny Donald Trump their party’s presidential nomination as outlined in the NYT article “Inside the Republican Party’s Desperate Mission to Stop Donald Trump” from February 27th. Put aside the fact that everything Donald Trump is saying on the campaign trail is entirely within the mainstream of American conservatism, other than vague mentions of fair trade and hostility for the Bush family, which will have little to no impact on policy outcomes beyond 2016. Ask Paul Ryan about the less-than-desirable work ethics of urban inner-city men. Solicit Willard Romney’s opinion about what constitutes productive labor. Examine any National Review/Wall Street Journal article for hints about why America 2025 will be an awful place, filled with immoral rap music and people who speak Spanish. Probe any Fox News viewer about what her/his greatest fear is (nonwhite people, even though the obvious answers should be heart disease, illiteracy, oral infection, and accidental death from misusing firearms while under the influence of alcohol).
So . . . as I was saying, “respectable” conservatives (hysterical, angry white racists who don’t trust Donald Trump to smash social insurance and sufficiently immiserate anyone not in favor of a war with Iran) are attempting to thwart Donald Trump’s ascent to the nomination with aggressive cheating. Movement conservative thought-leaders are betting that their flyover country cable news viewing foot soldiers will be cool with an outcome in which the candidate with the most votes and delegates loses to The Anointed One Who Can’t Beat Trump Fair and Square, Marco Rubio. Seriously, that’s their idea of an elegant, successful plan.
Take a moment to think about how that will look, and what kind of reactions such an outcome would provoke. The moment that Rubio walks to the podium, with his giant glass of water and his legal pad covered in last-minute red crayon edits, for his acceptance speech, Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh will lead an armed mob to the door of The Heritage Foundation and burn the building to smoldering ashes. Mark Levin and Glenn Beck will conduct a simultaneous assault against Congress, beheading Republican elected officials on the National Mall following on-the-spot treason trials conducted by Oath Keepers and presiding judge/Governor Militant Joe Arpaio. Fox News will broadcast live coverage of foaming-at-the-mouth, shrieking white Alabamians clad in Confederate Army uniforms lobbing Molotov cocktails at federal buildings, declaring their “independence,” and doing battle with U.S. marshals.
Somebody needs to sit down with Republican leadership and explain to them that cheating is only acceptable in general elections, and only if the cheating is designed to disenfranchise impoverished black people. George W. Bush has plenty of free time these days. He needs to get on the next flight to D.C. and convince his brethren against igniting a second Civil War. Nobody wants to live in an America where Supreme Commander of the White Nationalist Armies Sean Hannity issues edicts about need to eradicate subversives and foreigners (women who wear pants and residents of Massachusetts). Save America one more time Shrub. We need you more than ever.