Live Tweets from Carson Starkey #TrumpIsTheNominee Edition

Unapologetically, by Carson Starkey 

Old Man Yells at Cloud

Watching a Republican debate is more depressing at Midway Airport. Brief summary…all of the candidates proudly support the 19th century.

Angry Dr. Huxtable, why are you on this stage, and can you locate Canada on a map? ‪#‎DrCarsonLooksConfused‬

Mr. Trump, how do you respond to the charge that you’re the least offensive of the GOP candidates? ‪#‎UncomfortableTruth‬

The entire debate this far has focused on why Republicans need to spit on people who speak Spanish.

Switching gears to the Supreme Court, will all of the candidates pledge to nominate Sean Hannity?

This is for all of the candidates. What should be the criminal sentence for a woman wearing pants without a man’s permission?

Yeah, good stuff CNN. Let’s focus on the importance of hating nonwhite people and nominating Scalia’s corpse. But Trump is ridiculous.

Wolf Blitzer puts the stupid in stupid questions.

Would Republican candidates explain why $6-10 trillion tax cuts or a war with Iran are good ideas? Are we not talking about that tonight?

If stupidity were a crime, Wolf Blitzer would be serving ten consecutive life sentences.

That was a magnificent exchange between Trump and Rubio…had the grace and sophistication of two fat kids headhunting in dodgeball.

Governor Kasich, please respond with meaningless jargon and a non-fact about health insurance.

Angry Dr. Huxtable, do you know where you are? Follow up, is Cuba Gooding Jr. more qualified to play you as a presidential candidate?

Yes, let’s talk taxes. This should provide a venue for thoughtful, intelligent answers.

Marco Rubio is excited about the opportunity to explain his tax plan…and lose the Florida primary to Donald Trump.

Cruz launches the “Trump is a liberal” attack for the millionth time. Just as effective as the first time.

Rubio and Cruz have demonstrated impressive mastery of Federalist Society/Heritage Foundation scripts. ‪#‎ActualVotersDontCare‬


Editorial note
: Do yourself a favor, be a patriot, and follow Carson Starkey on Twitter @carsonstarkey1 where you can join in him on his search for #PeakSatire and the ever-elusive “Real America.”

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