Live Tweets from Carson Starkey (#GOPDebate edition)

The following Live Tweets are written by Carson Starkey (Combat Veteran and J.D. Candidate, 2016).

The italicized intro to the real (future) Dr. Carson has been the pleasure of Troy M. Olson (Army Veteran and J.D., 2014).

Out of respect for those who love freedom and Bruce Springsteen, the tweets appear exactly as they were written.

“Black women in Chicago will kill your children.” Marco Rubio lays out his domestic vision. Prediction for the ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

The ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ starts now. ‪#‎ReleaseTheBigotry‬

Lots of different white people in the ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ audience tonight. ‪#‎ConservativeDiversity‬

What’s an “Ayla Brown”? Had to Google it, and got redirected to a pile of mashed potatoes. ‪#‎TalentlessWhitePeople‬

Rand Paul proposes radical proposal of not invading countries filled with Muslims. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

John Kaisch gives a powerful opening statement that appeals to all 4 of his supporters. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Chris Christie wants to fight terrorism…as long as doing so entails a sizable snack budget. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Carly Fiorina has been told “no” all of her life…specifically by voters in California. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Jeb Bush vows to defend freedom with the help of Super PACs. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Marco Rubio is an eloquent voice for the early 19th century. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Ted Cruz speaks gibberish to power. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Angry Dr. Huxtable falls asleep at podium, calls it a “strategic foreign policy move.” ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Donald Trump offers unqualified praise for Donald Trump’s policies. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Finally, a candidate has the courage to attack a powerful, entrenched majority like Muslims and immigrants. ‪#‎gopdebate‬

Jeb Bush throws it back to 2002 by proposing an invasion of Iraq and Syria, calls Donald Trump “unserious.” ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ ‪#‎TheBarIsLow‬

Marco Rubio delivers powerful monologue/non-answer in order to deflect attention from conservative voters’ bigotry. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Consider…Hugh Hewitt is held up as “intellectual” among conservatives. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ ‪#‎BizarroUniverse‬

Carly Fiorina has a vision for America that includes stories about Carly Fiorina. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Carly Fiorina claims employment with NSA, along with video of abortions performed by Hillary Clinton. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

INTERMISSION: Comment From a Facebook user: “Carson Starkey is literally my entire newsfeed.”

Chris Christie has strong opinions about terrorism and Hillary Clinton being evil. Consumes entire cheesecake post-answer. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

John Kaisch offers bold, original vision for a military invasion of Middle Eastern countries and massive surveillance state. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Ted Cruz is forced to fend off characterization as a liberal. ‪#‎Confusing‬ ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Why are the book burners attacking Ted Cruz as a lefty? Because he’s not in favor of a larger surveillance state? ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Rand Paul accuses Marco Rubio of open border enthusiasm and amnesty. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Marco Rubio fends off attack from Rand Paul, universe implodes from absurdity supernova. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Chris Christie says Americans don’t care about Senate legislation, fails to mention that nobody cares about his campaign. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Angry Dr. Huxtable demands that Americans reject political correctness, endorses “war footing.” ‪#‎Sigh‬ ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Carly Fiorina identifies a larger surveillance state to make government more effective. ‪#‎CognitiveDissonance‬ ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio have legitimate points. America hasn’t been serious about fighting wars in the Middle East. Um… ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Trump remembers his purpose for campaigning-bullying Jeb Bush. ‪#‎Hilarious‬ ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Jeb Bush reminds voters that he’s serious…by arguing with intellectual heavyweight Donald Trump. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Angry Dr. Huxtable is still not competent on foreign policy, but very strong on imaginary solutions to non-problems. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Carly Fiorina demands speaking time, accuses Wolf Blitzer of performing partial-birth abortions. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Carly Fiorina belittles 1st-term senators, sets aside memory of losing senate election. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Angry Dr. Huxtable demands that Americans stop being squeamish about expensive wars in Middle East, forgets about past 15 years. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Wolf Blitzer accuses Ted Cruz of supporting dictators, desperately seeks approval from audience of bigots. ‪#‎GopDebate‬

Marco Rubio quietly describes Iraq War as successful in fascinating alternative history. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Trump proposes $4 trillion jobs bill, makes accurate statement that Iraq-Afghanistan wars were disastrous failures. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ ‪#‎Trump2016‬

Trump is demolishing the competition with Iraq-Afghanistan war denunciations. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Bush denounces failed foreign policy, reaffirms support for Iraq War. ‪#‎SatireIsMeaningless‬ ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Chris Christie is right. We need to focus on invading Iran. Hugh Hewitt wants to be right, but instead is boring. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

The “reasonable” candidate, John Kaisch, demands a war with Russia. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Republican candidates keep talking about a no-fly zone to fight ISIS…despite ISIS lacking an Air Force. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Rand Paul and Chris Christie sparring on stage, both polling at less than 3 percent. ‪#‎NotAllowedAtTheAdultTable‬ ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Jeb Bush acknowledges that he is widely lacking in knowledge in a desperate attempt to insult Trump. ‪#‎SadFaceJeb‬ ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

All of the minor candidates shriek their outrage that Trump is beating them senseless. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Angry Dr. Huxtable demonstrates policy knowledge by avoiding discussion of policy. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Marco Rubio will not be defined as pro-immigrant in a party of cross burners. ‪#‎Brave‬ ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Ted Cruz mentions amnesty, crowd surges with rage, begins smashing windows, building walls spontaneously. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Ted Cruz vs. Marco Rubio doing ferocious battle to claim title of most hysterical cable news commentator. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Carly Fiorina demands speaking time, begs voters for attention by holding breath, turning blue. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Jeb Bush bravely denounces Barack Obama, pretends that 2001-2009 didn’t happen. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Angry Dr. Huxtable endorses good choices over false choices. ‪#‎Profound‬ ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Rand Paul claims existence of imaginary army of food stamp-addicted illegal immigrants. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Chris Christie is hostile because the snack bar is subpar, seeks better access to fresh jumbo shrimp cocktails. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

We’re getting a rare opportunity to see conservative candidates not calling for a war in this North Korea moment. ‪#‎GopDebate‬

Angry Dr. Huxtable asserts that economic power is better than military power…but still strongly in favor of a war in Iraq. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

It’s been a long, painful night for Jeb Bush if he’s going back to Hillary email. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Trump-Cruz is going to be a ferocious team in the White House. Poor Hillary Clinton will never see the West Wing again. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Hugh Hewitt is sweating while speaking to future President Trump. The fear is real. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

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